


The Knight and the Scarecrow

by Mura



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Comedy, Fantasy, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 19:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16203863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mura/pseuds/Mura
Summary: A fairy tale Hankcon AU.





	1. The Mischievous Fairy

Once upon a time in a land where peasants worked and fays lurked in the shadows, where unicorns grazed and giants gazed at the stars above, where kings ruled and enemies dueled for what they believed was just, where dragons roared and witches poured their potions into vials to sell for exorbitant prices, there lived a retired knight. And his name was Hank.

Hank lived with his dog on a small farm a few miles away from the nearest village. It was a solitary life of routine, and that was how he liked it.

But one day was not so routine. The knight awoke to the sound of his dog barking and commotion outside. He got out of bed, drew back his drapes, and looked out the window.

“What the _fuck?”_ cried Hank.

For outside was a sight the likes of which he’d never seen. His once peaceful farm had been plunged into chaos. The grounds had been overrun by frogs and locusts, and crows filled the air. The crops that had been standing tall and proud the prior day had begun to wither. Wind howled and lightning clapped, even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky to be seen. Hank quickly got dressed and hurried outside.

“Ah, geez!” he said, surveying the disarray, unsure of what to do first. “Shoo! Shoo!” he yelled at the frogs and locusts, kicking at the ground. He looked around him and swung his hands threateningly at the birds. “Get the fuck outta here!” He glared at the scarecrow that he’d once made to guard the farm. “You’re doing a shit job, you know that?” The scarecrow said nothing, as it was a scarecrow.

“You seem perturbed, sir knight,” said a voice. Hank looked to see a smug fairy floating in the air nearby.

“You’re goddamn right, I’m perturbed!” yelled Hank. “What the hell is going on?! Did you do this?”

The fairy glanced over the havoc. “Fascinating, isn’t it? How quickly one’s livelihood can be destroyed by a simple spell.”

“Fuck you! Gimme my farm back!”

“Patience, sir knight. Let’s take things one step at a time. First, allow me to introduce myself.” The fairy spun in the air with flourish. “I’m Kamski the fairy. I’ve come to you in my time of need. You see, a brooch that was very dear to me was recently stolen by a dragon. And I’m calling upon you to retrieve it.”

“Why me? Why do I gotta be the one to deal with this shit? There are hundreds of people in this kingdom far more qualified for this quest than I am.”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself short, sir knight. I happen to know that back in your youth you were one of the finest, most decorated members of the king’s royal guard.”

“Yeah, well I’m not ‘in my youth’ anymore. And even if I were there’s no way I’d be able to take on a fucking dragon on my own.”

“Hm. That’s fair. Perhaps an assistant would be of use to you.”

The fairy snapped his fingers and the scarecrow began to glow. In a sudden flash, the man of straw fell to the ground. And then, slowly, it stood up on its own. Its features had become far more human, and Hank could have sworn it seemed alive were it not for the exceedingly blank expression on its face.

“The hell did you do to my scarecrow?”

Kamski chuckled. “Scarecrow!” said the fairy, addressing the creature and drawing its attention. “I’ve brought you to life to assist this knight, Hank. You are to accompany him to the dwelling of the dragon who stole my brooch and retrieve what is rightfully mine. Once my property is returned to me, I’ll revert this farm to its former glory.”

“Understood,” said the scarecrow.

“There,” said the fairy, turning his attention back towards Hank. “That should be all the help you need. I’m confident you’ll retrieve my brooch just fine. In the meantime, I’ll take up residence here and look after your dog for you. You can thank me later.”

“Oh, no,” said Hank. “No, no, no. I’m too old for this shit.” He pointed at the fairy, “Fuck you,” then at the scarecrow, “and fuck you! I’m going into town to get drunk.” And with that Hank stormed off in the direction of the nearest village.

The scarecrow looked up at the fairy. “He seems rather disagreeable.”

“Humans usually are,” replied the fairy.

The scarecrow considered for a moment, then made haste to catch up.

“Sir? Sir!” called the scarecrow as he approached Hank. Once next to him, he kept pace beside the knight, who refused to look at him. “I understand that you’re upset about these recent events, but visiting a pub isn’t going to remedy the situation at hand. If we’re going to save the farm, we’re going to have to work together to…”

“Why don’t you mind your own goddamn business?”

“I’m afraid this is my business, sir. I am a scarecrow. Keeping the farm safe and pest-free is my sole purpose.”

“Look, I created you. Made you out of a burlap sack and some shitty used clothes I bought in town. I don’t need _you_ telling _me_ what to do.”

“I’m sorry, but my mission is clear. And I will not allow the farm to suffer due to your negligence.”

“Dear gods. Do you always have this much of a stick up your ass?”

“That _is_ traditional for scarecrows, is it not?”

“Oh, great. It’s got a sense of humor too.”

“Sir, I know you must have a vested interest in your land as well. Surely you don’t want to see it die.”

“Yeah, well, better to lose my farm than get eaten by a dragon.”

“I disagree.”

Hank stopped and glared over at the scarecrow.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

“I am a being with a mission. A mission that I have every intention of carrying out. Whether you like it or not.”

Hank decided he’d had enough and swung his fist at the scarecrow’s face. The knight had landed many a punch before, but this one connected not with the usual thud, but with a rustle. The scarecrow fell to the ground, bits of straw fluttering about him. He braced himself against the dirt, but didn’t move or look up.

“Huh,” said Hank, a bit stunned. “You really are a scarecrow, aren’t you?”

“Obviously.”

Hank sighed and considered for a moment. “Look, even if I do go after this…dragon…I’m gonna need to get supplies in town. I haven’t been questing in almost a decade.”

The scarecrow met his eyes. “Sir?”

“But if you’re going to come with me, we’re gonna have to settle on some rules. You don’t speak unless your spoken to, and you don’t do anything unless I tell you. Got it?”

“Got it.”

Hank sighed again and reached his hand out. The scarecrow took it and let the knight help him to his feet. Hank shook his head and once again began walking toward the village. After a few moments, he noticed the scarecrow hadn’t moved at all. He turned. “Well, are you coming?”

“Yes, sir.”

Hank continued on his way.

The scarecrow adjusted his clothing and followed.


	2. Inquiries by the Food Stand

“Mm!” Hank looked fondly down at the sandwich in his hands and shook his head. “I swear, Gary makes the best mutton sandwich in the whole goddamn kingdom.” He looked across the table to where the scarecrow was watching him, curiously. It suddenly occurred to Hank that the creature had no means of buying food for himself. “Uh…guess I should’ve asked when I was ordering. You want something too?”

“Yes, actually,” replied the scarecrow. “If you don’t mind, I’d like a new set of clothing.”

“That’s not what I…. What the hell’s wrong with the clothes you’ve got on now?”

“They’re rather worn and don’t appear to be made out of a very high-quality material. I’d prefer to look my best when I’m out adventuring.”

“A scarecrow with a sense of fashion. May the gods help us all.”

“I saw a store back there that looked like it sold several nice…”

“Look, I’m not fucking buying you new clothes. The ones you’ve got are fine. Geez.”

The scarecrow looked a bit deflated. “Yes, sir.”

“What I _meant_ was…do you want something to _eat?”_

“I’m a scarecrow. Scarecrows don’t need food.”

“Oh, great.” He took another bite of the sandwich.

The scarecrow thought for a moment. “You’re a knight, correct?”

“Haven’t held a sword in awhile, but sure.”

“So you’re no longer on active duty.”

“Nope.”

“Why not? You still appear to be in relatively decent physical condition. For your age, of course.”

“Well, aren’t you sweet?” said Hank, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I just don’t understand why you would give up the chance to accept and carry out missions if you still had the ability to do so.”

“You know, son, one day you’re gonna learn that there’s more to life than just missions.”

The scarecrow looked genuinely confused.

“Look, bottom line is that I retired because I don’t like working with other people. I don’t wanna talk to them, I don’t wanna deal with them. I just wanna live on my own, away from everyone, with my dog.”

The scarecrow perked up a little. “That fairy back at the farm mentioned you had a dog. What kind of a dog is it?”

Hank gave the scarecrow an uninterested look, before answering, “A big one.”

“I see. What’s its name?”

“Do all scarecrows ask this many questions, or is it just you?”

The scarecrow didn’t respond and Hank focused his attention back on his sandwich. After several moments the knight looked up to see his companion looking rather discouraged.

Hank sighed. “So, you like dogs, huh?”

“Well, I’ve never actually _seen_ a dog. But…yes.”

“How can you like something if you’ve never seen it?”

“I suppose I like…the concept of dogs. From what I understand they do exhibit admirable qualities.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“They can be used to guard farms.”

Hank laughed. “Wow, you…you really do have a one-track mind, don’t you?”

“I suppose so.”

Hank took another bite of his sandwich and started chewing it before asking, “So, you got a name or what?”

“I don’t have a name presently,” said the scarecrow before adding, almost hopefully, “but I’d like one.”

“You…want me to name you?”

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

“This is so fucking weird.” Hank considered for a moment. What would be a fitting name for this strange creature? He thought back on the stories his mother used to tell him as a child, and recalled one such tale involving a squire. It seemed as good a choice as any. “How ’bout Connor? That work for you?”

“Connor,” said the scarecrow. “My name…is Connor.” And in that moment the sides of the scarecrow’s mouth moved ever-so-slightly. Almost as if he were smiling.


	3. The Ogre, the Giant, and the Unicorns

And so, once their preparations were complete, the knight and the scarecrow set out together to find the dragon and retrieve the brooch. They journeyed over hill and dale and into a vast field bordering a forest. And in that field they spotted an enormous, wooden cage, and as the two grew nearer, they saw that the cage was filled with dozens of majestic, white unicorns.

“Holy shit,” said Hank.

One of the unicorns approached them and spoke through the bars. “Please, we need your help!”

“Mama, what’s going on?” said a smaller unicorn, joining her. “Who are these people?”

“My name is Connor,” said the scarecrow. “I’m a scarecrow that was brought to life.”

“Uh…Hank,” greeted the knight.

“I’m Kara,” said the unicorn. “And this is my daughter, Alice. An evil ogre has been holding us prisoner here and devouring us one-by-one.”

“This is not good,” said another unicorn, this one with scars on his face. “Not good, not good. Ralph doesn’t want to be eaten. No, no, no. Ralph doesn’t want to be eaten!”

Alice walked over to Ralph and rubbed the side of her head gently against one of his forelegs. “It’s gonna be okay, Ralph,” she said, which seemed to relax him a little.

“Please, I beg of you,” continued Kara, “find a way to release us!”

“I’m sorry,” said Connor, “but we have a mission of our own to attend to. We wish you the best of luck with your escape, though.”

“Connor!” snapped Hank.

“Yes, sir?”

“We’re not just gonna leave ’em like this!”

“Involving ourselves in this won’t help us save the farm.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Could you think about something besides the farm for two fucking seconds? Geez.” Hank turned back to Kara. “So, this thing have a door or what?”

“It opens from the top,” responded the unicorn. “The ogre has a servant – a giant who reaches in and takes us whenever the ogre is ready to feed.”

“Well, shit,” said Hank, looking at the roof of the cage. Even if he could somehow open it, the walls were far too high for the unicorns to scale. There had to be another way. He drew his sword. “Alright, stand back.”

The unicorns did so and the knight swung at the wooden bars over and over, cutting into them slowly but surely.

“This isn’t very efficient,” noted Connor.

“You got a better idea, smartass?”

“…No.”

“Look, if you want this to go faster, how about using that sword I gave you and help me out?”

Connor considered for a moment, before pulling out his sword and joining Hank in his endeavor.

“Hey!” said one of the unicorns cheerfully. “I’m Jerry and I just wanna say – we really appreciate what you’re doing for us!”

“I’m Jerry too,” said another, identical unicorn, “And can I just add that you guys are doing a great job! Keep it up!”

Another identical unicorn piped up. “I’m also Jerry and…” And so-on and so-forth as the two men cut away at the bars.

Hank and Connor had almost hacked away an opening large enough for the unicorns to fit through, when the distant sound of mighty footsteps reverberated through the air. _THUM. THUM. THUM._

“They’re coming!” cried Alice. “Please hurry!”

Hank and Connor made haste, and soon the hole was wide enough to allow the unicorns to escape.

“Hurry!” said Kara. “To the forest! They won’t be able to follow us in there.”

One-by-one the unicorns rushed through the opening, galloping away as the footsteps grew closer.

Two of the Jerries stopped by Hank and Connor, greeting them with a smile. “Need a ride?”

The knight and the scarecrow mounted the creatures and off they went. The herd bounded across the plain, away from their captors, and into the safety of the woods.

Hank and Connor dismounted as all the liberated unicorns neighed and cheered in delight. All but one.

“The little filly,” said Ralph, panic in his voice. “Kara and the little filly. Not here, not here. They’re not here!”

Everybody looked back to the field.

“Oh no…” said Hank.

For there, beside where Kara was standing, was Alice – struggling to stand only to collapse again. Even from a distance it was clear the young unicorn had broken her leg. Meanwhile, the ogre and the giant had appeared on the horizon and were making their way quickly toward the two unicorns.

“Come on, everyone,” rallied Jerry, and the herd quickly began galloping back into the field.

“Where the hell are you going?” yelled Hank. “This is suicide!”

“They can’t take all of us!” called another Jerry in answer.

Hank and Connor remained under the cover of the forest, watching the scene unfold.

Alice had managed to take several limping paces across the grass before falling to the ground again. “I…I can’t!” She looked up at her mother. “Mama, hurry! Hurry up and run away or they’ll eat you too!”

“No, Alice!” insisted Kara. “I’m not leaving you!”

The ogre and the giant had almost made their way to the mother and child when the rest of the unicorns raced in, putting themselves between the two pairs. They stood resolute, unmoving.

The ogre and the giant came to a stop.

“Well, Luther,” said the ogre with a smile. “Looks like we may get some of my property back yet! Perhaps I _won’t_ have to beat you tonight.”

“Don’t worry, Kara,” said Jerry. “We’ll buy you time. Help Alice to the woods!”

“No, no!” cried Alice. “Mama, we can’t leave them! They’ll be eaten!”

“We have no choice, Alice!” said Kara, sternly. “Come on, we have to go!”

“Luther!” bellowed the ogre. “Grab as many of these as you can and take them back to the cage. Make sure they _don’t_ escape again. In the meantime…” the ogre grabbed one of the unicorns standing near him, “I think I’ll have a well-earned meal.”

“Jerry!” cried Alice. “Please! Please don’t hurt him!”

The ogre opened his mouth and was about to plop the unicorn in it, when suddenly an enormous hand took hold of the monster’s arm.

“No,” said Luther. He took the unicorn with his free hand, knelt, and set him gently with the others. Then, standing again, the giant turned to face his master.

“What are you doing?!” yelled the ogre. “You dare defy me?!”

Luther said nothing.

“You ungrateful wretch!” spat the ogre. “I am your family! I am your master! Have you forgotten? When I found you, you were nothing! Just a freak with no home and no friends. I took you in! I gave your life purpose! And this is how you repay me? Betrayal? For these pathetic creatures?!”

Luther still said nothing.

The ogre looked the giant up and down. “So be it,” he said. “I hope you enjoy your life of misery and solitude. You worthless traitor!” And with that the ogre turned and stormed off.

The giant watched him go until he’d disappeared over the horizon. Then he turned back to the unicorns.

“Ever since he took me in, I always did everything he told me,” said Luther. “He said that I owed it to him. Because he was my family. But seeing all of you risk yourselves to save the little one…and seeing how much the little one cares for all of you…it opened my eyes. For the first time, I saw what a family should be. And that…what you have…that’s something worth protecting.” He looked ashamed. “I know I’ve done some horrible things. I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I want you all to know…I’m sorry.”

The unicorns all stared on, none of them seeming to know what to say. Until a child’s voice broke the silence.

“Thank you for saving us, Mr. Luther,” said Alice. “Once my leg’s healed I’ll come back here to visit you, I promise!”

A general murmur of approval came from the herd.

Luther smiled. “You all head into the forest. I’ll keep watch to make sure the ogre doesn’t come back.”

Kara nuzzled Alice, encouraging her to stand. Alice managed with some effort, and slowly the unicorns made their way back towards the trees.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” said Hank. He looked over at his companion. “What do you think, Connor?”

“Interesting,” said the scarecrow. “I wasn’t expecting the giant to deviate as he did.”

“Yeah. Me neither. But people change. Guess that’s just part of being alive.”

Connor reflected on this concept for a moment and appeared somewhat disturbed by it. Then he spoke again. “Something else that doesn’t make sense. Objectively speaking, the physical limitations of the youngest filly make her the least likely to contribute to the overall well-being of the herd. And yet those unicorns were all prepared to sacrifice themselves to save her.”

Hank shrugged. “That’s love for ya.”

“Love…seems a very irrational thing.”

Hank huffed out a small laugh. “Hey, no arguments here. Never touched the stuff myself. Maybe you and I aren’t as different as we thought.”

Once the unicorns had made their way back into the forest, Jerry approached the two with a smile. “We can’t thank you enough. Without you, we’d…well, gosh, I’d rather not even think about it!”

“We have something for you!” said another Jerry, looking quite eager. “Just a minute.”

With that, several of the unicorns formed a circle. Their horns began to glow and suddenly, floating in the air between them, there appeared the most beautiful gemstone Hank had ever seen.

“We’d like you to have this,” said Jerry.

“It’s not much,” apologized another. “No magical properties or anything. But it should fetch a good price at the nearest town. It’s the least we can do after all you’ve done for us.”

Hank waved a hand, bashfully. “Ah, no, we couldn’t…”

Connor grabbed the gem. “Thank you for your contribution.”

“Connor!”

“What? The extra money could be useful.”

“Well, yeah but…geez, you can at least make a show out of…ah, fuck it.” He looked at the unicorns and smiled uncomfortably. “Thanks.”

“We wish you luck on your journeys,” said Jerry.

And with that the unicorns slowly departed into the woods, and the knight and the scarecrow continued on their way toward the next town.


	4. A Tale of True Love's Kiss

The gemstone probably could have sold for more if Hank had been willing to barter, but the appraiser’s first estimate already seemed a tidy sum, and he was satisfied with it.

“So, any idea what you’re gonna be spending your cut on?” Hank asked Connor.

“My cut, sir?”

“Sure. You did half the work, even if you were kind of a dick about it. You should get half the money, right?”

“I…suppose?”

“So, you know what you’re gonna buy with it?”

“Yes. Yes, I believe I do.”

“Great.” Hank plopped a satchel of gold down in the scarecrow’s hand. “Knock yourself out. You can find me at the tavern when you’re done.” Then he turned and walked away.

Connor surveyed the windows of a few tailor shops, trying to find a store that would best suit him. The clothing in the first he came across was too fancy, the second’s was too utilitarian, but the third’s was just right. Upscale, but practical. He stepped through the door and began browsing the wares.

“Hey!” said a man with a scar on his face, looking vaguely hostile. “Haven’t seen you around here before. Who, uh…who are you supposed to be?”

“Hello. My name is Connor. I’m a scarecrow that was brought to life.”

“Heh,” said the man, pointing at Connor and looking at the lady sitting behind the counter. “You believe this? The shit they do with magic nowadays. A talking scarecrow. F’ckin’ A.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “Leave him alone, Gavin.”

“Hey, we’re just talkin’. So, scarecrow…” Gavin took a step toward Connor, “what’cha doin’ here? Shouldn’t you be out guarding pumpkins or somethin’?” He smiled as if he’d just said something exceptionally clever and cruel.

Connor was confused by this man’s behavior, but decided to answer him anyway. “My original purpose _was_ to guard a farm, but that mission was unfortunately interrupted. I’m currently on a quest with a knight to save said farm.”

“Ha ha ha!” laughed Gavin. “Hear that, Tina? Some knight’s got himself his own personal love doll. I…I’ve heard of ‘hittin’ the hay’ but this is bullshit!”

“That’s enough, Gavin!” said Tina. “You know talking to our customers like that is bad for business.”

Gavin eyed Connor. “Watch yourself,” he warned before walking away and disappearing into the back of the store.

“Sorry about that,” said Tina. “He’s…repressed and easily threatened. But he’s harmless. Anyway, let me know if you need help finding anything.”

Connor nodded. “Thank you.”

After taking ample time to inspect several different garments, the scarecrow left the store wearing a crisp, fashionable outfit, complete with a flowing cape. He then made his way to the tavern.

Hank was sitting alone at a table with what remained of a pint of ale and plate of roasted chicken. Connor walked up to him and stood silently, waiting to be seen, but the knight didn’t seem to be taking the initiative to make eye-contact with anyone. At last Connor gave in and said, “Sir?”

Hank looked over and nearly did a double take. Then he smiled. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“I thought these garments were more befitting of an adventurer.” 

“Definitely a new look for you. ’Course, you know in a few weeks those’ll wear out and you’ll look like shit again.”

Connor looked genuinely irritated, and his voice reflected it. “I’m quite aware that clothes don’t stay pristine forever, but that doesn’t mean…”

“Woah, woah, easy! I was just messing with you. Come on. You look great.”

Hank gulped down the last of his ale and the two headed onward. They made their way through the town, Connor striding with more confidence than the knight had seen from him prior, and out into the forest beyond.

As dusk approached they sought out a clearing and gathered wood and tinder, as had been their nightly tradition over the past few days. Striking steel against flint, Hank ignited a campfire and by the time the sun had set it was burning heartily.

“Hey, how come you always sit so far away from the fire?”

“I’m highly flammable and I don’t need heat.”

“Huh. So you don’t need food. You don’t need heat. How ’bout sleep? You ever get tired?”

“No.”

“Guess that explains why you’re always up before me. So what the hell do you do all night?”

“I keep watch.”

“That get boring for you?”

“I’m a scarecrow.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.” Hank watched Connor, waiting for a response but it soon became clear that he wasn’t going to get one. He looked back at the flames.

“Sir…” said Connor, eventually, “…what’s a love doll?”

Hank scowled. “Where the fuck did you hear something like that?”

“A man in town. He seemed to take issue with fact that I’m a living scarecrow. When I mentioned I was traveling with a knight, he said I was your own personal love doll.”

“Ah, geez. Fucking asshole.” Hank shook his head. “Don’t let that shit get to you. Some people just like to tear each other down.”

“What does it mean, though?”

“Come on, Connor, you’re not stupid. You put it together.”

Connor stared at him blankly.

Hank rolled his eyes. “Well you know what a doll is, right?”

“An inanimate object made to resemble a human being.”

“And you know what it means when someone…loves someone else, right?”

Connor paused. “Like what the unicorns felt for each other.”

“Shit,” said Hank. “Look, Connor, there are different types of love and, ah…well…” he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Explaining the birds and the bees to his scarecrow was not something he had ever anticipated doing. “Sometimes when two people really…there comes a time in a person’s life when they become…” He put his hand down and looked at Connor, who was waiting with interest. Hank sighed again and shook his head at the situation he’d found himself in. “Wow.”

The knight rethought his approach and tried again. “Alright, so when I was a kid there was this story my mother used to tell me. It was about this gardener who worked at a royal castle. Every day the princess would come out and sit in the garden. So they get to talking and they decide they like each other. Like…really like each other. Like…all they want in life is to be together. But her father, the king…he doesn’t like that. So he sets up this tournament to figure out who’s the strongest man in the land. Whoever wins gets his daughter’s hand in marriage. Now the gardener…he’s never held a sword before, much less faced off in a duel. But the princess means so much to him, and the thought of her with another man hurts him so much, he signs up for the tournament anyway. And in his very first round, the guy gets knocked on his ass. But he’s not about to forfeit the match, so he gets up and tries again. He knows he out of his league, but no matter how many times he’s hit or cut or stabbed, he won’t yield. And after a bit it becomes pretty damn obvious this guy’s gonna die. So the princess…she runs out of the stands, goes up to him, and kisses him on the lips. But it’s not just any kiss. It’s true love’s kiss – the most powerful magic in the world. And suddenly the gardener has the strength of a hundred men. He beats the shit out of every opponent and wins the tournament and marries the princess and they live happily ever after. The end.”

Connor took a moment to digest all of this. “So…what’s your saying is…the man thinks that I’m a doll you want to…kiss?”

Hank looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure, we’ll go with that. So…you understand?”

“I think I do.”

“Great, this conversation is over and I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” Hank lay down on the ground, facing away from Connor and didn’t say anything more.

Connor sat for several moments, watching the flames dance before him. “So…it doesn’t have anything to do with sex then?”

 _“You motherfucker!”_ cried Hank, sitting up. “You knew what that was the whole fucking time and you just sat there watching me squirm?!”

“Sorry, sir.”

“No, you’re not.” Hank lay back down, once again facing away from Connor. “No, you’re fucking not.”

Silence hung in the air for awhile longer, disturbed only by the crackling of the fire.

“Sir?” said Connor, eventually.

Hank grumbled. “What?”

“Do you believe it?”

“Believe what?”

“That true love’s kiss is the most powerful magic of all?”

“Hell no. Nobody actually believes that shit, Connor. It’s just a story.”

Connor paused. “Sir?”

“Yeah, what now?”

“Goodnight, sir.”

Hank smirked and sighed. “’Night, Connor.”


	5. The False King and the Rightful Heir

The knight and the scarecrow continued to make their way over a diverse array of unspecified terrains, more often than not finding themselves back in some manner of wooded area. The forest that they were trekking through on this particular day bordered one of the more renowned kingdoms in the land.

“And you just…let them go?” asked Connor.

“Yep.”

“But they broke the law.”

“Yeah, I know but…hell, those poor girls had already been through so much. Not sure I’d have done any different if I were them.”

“They attacked you.”

“They were scared. Thought I’d put ’em away. They just wanted to get outta there. Be free. So…I gave ’em a second chance.”

“I see. And how did your commanding officer react when you told him you deliberately let them escape?”

“Told him? What, are you fucking kidding me? Of course I didn’t tell him. They’d have had my sword for that. Nah, I just told him I couldn’t find them. That was the end of it.”

“But by defecting and lying…weren’t you breaking some sort of…knight code?”

“Being a good knight isn’t always about following orders. Sometimes you just gotta do what you think is right.”

“Fascinating,” said Connor, genuinely. “Would you be willing to tell me more about your days in active duty?”

Hank chuckled. “You don’t have to humor me, you know.”

“Do I seem the type to humor anyone?”

“Fair point. You _are_ kind of an asshole.”

Connor gave him a crooked smile.

“So,” said Hank. “What is it you wanna know?”

Connor thought for a moment. “How was it that you first decided to…”

“Don’t move!” shouted a woman with her bow and arrow drawn.

“Ah, great,” said Hank. “An ambush.” He looked around to see how many had surrounded them, but only saw one other – a man also with a bow and arrow drawn on them, but with a less hostile expression. “Well, not much of an ambush.”

“Who are you?!” yelled the woman, aiming her arrow directly at Connor’s head. “Identify yourself!”

“My name is Connor,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m a scarecrow that was brought to life.”

“Well if you try anything, you’re gonna be a scarecrow that’s been brought to…death.”

“Good one, North,” said her companion.

“Shut up, Simon!”

Hank spoke up. “Look, if this is a robbery, can we just…”

“A robbery?” scoffed the woman. “Is that what you presume? You see common folk and instantly believe we’re nothing more than petty thieves?”

“Well geez, lady, you’re the one threatening to kill us! The fuck am I supposed to think?”

“What’s going on?!” exclaimed another man, entering the scene.

“We found these two treading suspiciously,” answered North. “We believe they may be agents of the false king!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Hank.

The man sighed. “North, you can’t just go around attacking everyone who comes through here.”

“What would you have me do, Josh?” she said. “Huh? Roll out the red carpet for every shady character we see? Maybe if we come across some men riding under the banner of Leo, we should throw them an impromptu banquet!”

“That’s a bit of a strawman, don’t you think?” asked Josh.

“I’m a lot of a straw man,” noted Connor.

“Connor, could you maybe save the jokes for when we don’t have arrows pointed at our fucking heads?” said Hank.

“Come on, North,” Josh appealed. “This is so unnecessary.”

“Pardon me,” she spat, “but I don’t think _any_ precaution is ‘unnecessary’ when the future of our kingdom is at stake!”

“Enough!” commanded an unfamiliar voice. There, on a nearby incline, silhouetted in daylight was the figure of a man. He held out his hand with authority as his cloak billowed in the breeze. “North, Simon, be still! Down with your weapons!”

Simon immediately complied and dropped to one knee, bowing his head. North begrudgingly lowered her weapon, not taking her eyes off Hank and Connor. Josh smiled at the figure.

“Forgive them,” said the man, approaching the knight and the scarecrow. “These have been trying times for our people, but I assure you we have no ill intentions. The truth is, we are in dire need of help right now.” He stopped in front of them. “I understand you have no reason to trust us, but if you would hear me out, I would be most grateful.”

Hank and Connor exchanged glances. Connor shrugged.

Hank furrowed his brow and looked back to the man. “What’s going on?”

“First, allow me to introduce myself. I am Prince Markus, son of the late King Manfred.”

“Woah, woah, hold on a fucking minute,” said Hank. “We’re talking Manfred, ruler of Teridot? And…wait, he died?”

“Yes,” said Markus, sadly. “We all knew it was coming but…” He grew silent.

“Sorry.”

“Excuse me,” said Connor, “but you say that you’re his son. Wouldn’t that make you the new king?”

“My father had two sons. Leo was begotten of my father’s wife, the queen – a lady born of noble blood. But she passed away during childbirth. My father never remarried, but one night he loved a common woman. I am the result of that union.”

“Leo and Markus couldn’t be more different,” said Josh.

“While I was raised in the castle, I always strove never to forget my heritage. I made efforts to use my status to help those less fortunate. To stand up for their well-being and their rights – the rights we should all be afforded as people. Leo cared not for the common man.”

“That’s an understatement,” said North.

“I was always closer to my father than Leo was. We bonded over art and scholarly endeavors. My brother, however, preferred to indulge in debauchery and sloth. And so, when my father’s health began to fail, he made a decree that _I_ be heir to the throne. Leo was furious. Not only did he feel cheated as the firstborn son, but he considered it an outrage for anyone of common blood to be afforded such a privilege. And so, as soon as my father died, Leo arranged to have me killed. I would surely have perished had it not been for the brave intervention of these three.”

“It was the least we could do, sire,” said Simon. “Your words and deeds had already done so much for our people.”

“We knew that if Leo became king it would mean that much more hardship for the common folk of Teridot,” said North. “And now it’s come to pass. If we ever hope to have any semblance of equality, we need Prince Markus to take his rightful place at the throne!”

“Believe me when I say that this isn’t about power, or even my father’s legacy,” said Markus. “This is about my people. That is why I humbly request your help.”

Hank pressed his tongue against the inside of his mouth, considering. “Sounds like you’re on the right side of all this. And you all seem like nice enough people…well, except her. But how is it you think we can help you?”

“My brother has his own personal guards stationed around the kingdom walls. If any of the four of us try to enter, we’ll be executed immediately. Thankfully, we’ve managed to procure a merchant’s wagon, complete with goods. There’s enough room under the floorboards for me to conceal myself. If you and your friend pose as merchants, you should be able to smuggle me into the kingdom. Once inside I have many allies who will help me. My intention is to face off against my brother in single combat and end this once and for all.”

Hank paused, then nodded. “Alright. Alright, I’ll help.”

“Sir, I’m afraid I must object,” said Connor. “Participating in this…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know! It won’t help the farm. By the gods, Connor, you’re so fucking predictable.”

Connor looked bothered, but he said nothing else.

“I thank you,” said Markus. “From the bottom of my heart. Come. Let’s to the wagon and I’ll fill you in on everything else you need to know.”

The wagon wasn’t a far ways off, and by the time they’d gotten there Markus had already finished explaining to Hank how to pass himself off as a plausible merchant, and where to go once they’d made it past the kingdom walls.

Josh moved to the two harnessed steeds, petting them each and giving them some food.

Markus looked at the wagon, contemplating what was to come. And as he did, North approached him with an air of uncharacteristic tenderness. She stopped before him and their eyes met. Wordlessly they each raised a hand to meet the other’s. They laced their fingers together and shared a gentle kiss.

Hank looked away uncomfortably. Simon looked away sadly. Connor stared unabashedly.

“Be careful, Markus,” said North.

The prince nodded and let go of her hand, then made his way into the wagon. He hid himself beneath the trap door, and the three rebels moved the various boxes of goods to conceal it. Hank and Connor took their seats in the front and off they went, leaving the worried group behind.

The knight and the scarecrow rode through the forest in silence. Soon the trees made way to a grassy slope, and they could see Teridot stretched out before them. They began down the path towards the kingdom walls.

Connor leaned over. “It wasn’t… _just_ the farm I was worried about,” he said quietly.

Hank didn’t know what to say to that. And so he said nothing at all.


	6. Tokens of Warmth

“Do you think Markus will be successful in retaking the kingdom?” asked the scarecrow as he and the knight trudged along a cold mountain path beyond Teridot.

“Not sure,” said Hank. “Guess we’ll find out if we live long enough to make it back.”

“If he _is_ successful…do you think he’ll make North his queen?”

Hank smirked. “Hell if I know. May the gods help Teridot if he does, though.”

“Teridot seemed a pleasant kingdom.”

“Yeah. I always kinda wanted to see it, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stick around during a fucking revolution.”

“Mm.”

“Hey, Connor, tell me something. Can you read?”

“Yes.”

“Great.” Hank reached into his satchel, pulled out a book, and tossed it at Connor.

The scarecrow halted, a little startled, but caught it with no trouble. He turned it over and read aloud the words on the cover. “ _Agriculture and You: Become Lord of the Crops_.” Confused, he looked to Hank who had stopped to face him.

Hank shrugged. “Got it back in the kingdom. I dunno. Thought you could use something to look at while I’m sleeping.”

“You bought this for me.”

“I mean, might be boring as all hell and…fuck, you might already know everything in there, but…figured it was better than nothing.”

Connor smiled softly. “Thank you, sir.”

“Eh.” Hank waved a hand in an ‘it’s nothing’ sort of gesture and started on his way again.

As the two continued onward, Hank noticed Connor occasionally opening the book and silently reading to himself with a smile before focusing his attention back on the path ahead. The knight pretended to be unaware, but honestly felt great relief that the scarecrow seemed to be enjoying the token so much.

As the hours passed the air became colder, the wind stronger, and the sky darker.

“Geez, I’m gonna fucking freeze to death before the dragon even gets the chance to fry me. You’re really goddamn lucky you don’t need heat, Connor, you know that?”

“We should find shelter.” The scarecrow looked around. “That cave over there. We could take refuge in it for the night.”

“Well, beggers can’t be choosers, I guess.”

The two scoured the area for whatever sticks and potential tinder they could find and then entered the mouth of the cave. With no meager amount of effort, Hank managed to ignite a small branch to use as a torch. He hadn’t taken but three more steps into the cave when a colony of bats came swarming past him.

“Agh! Geez, I hate these things!” cried Hank.

It wasn’t a particularly large cave, and once they’d reached they end of it, the knight and the scarecrow went about making a proper fire. Soon they were illuminated in an amber glow, and shadows danced across the walls like so many allegories.

Connor sat, his back against stone, reading his book. Hank huddled by the fire, blowing into his hands and rubbing them together loudly.

Connor looked up. “Are you alright, sir?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just wishing I’d bought a blanket back in town, that’s all.” Hank sighed. “I’m gonna try and get some shuteye and hope I don’t die of hypothermia. If I don’t make it through the night, tell my dog he’s a good boy.” Hank lay down on his side, facing the fire and curling his body up. He shuddered as the frigid air permeated the cave.

And then, entirely unexpectedly, the knight heard the sound of rustling straw and felt a not-precisely-human body against his back as Connor put an arm around him. Hank felt his pulse quicken.

“I realize I may not make for a particularly effective blanket,” said the scarecrow. “I wasn’t designed for insulation and I produce no body heat, but…I thought if this could help, even a little….”

Hank felt a flush in his face, and a warmth emanating throughout the rest of him.

“Sir?” said the scarecrow. “Does this help?”

Hank swallowed. “Yeah, Connor,” he said. “Yeah, it helps.”


	7. The Dragon's Den

Onward and upward the knight and the scarecrow journeyed into the mountains. Along the chilly paths they went, until at last they caught sight of a massive cave, perfectly matching the one Kamski had described to them before they set out. The lair of the dragon was before them.

Hank sighed. “Well, let’s get this over with.”

“Wait,” said Connor. “I think it would be best if I went in alone.”

The knight furrowed his brow. “The hell are you talking about? I thought we were gonna do this together.”

“I know that, but…it’s occurred to me. If you die in there, there won’t be anyone to maintain the farm. This whole journey will have been for nothing.”

“Yeah, and if we don’t get that brooch back there won’t _be_ a farm.” Hank started toward the cave.

Connor moved in front of him, expression stern. “I’m sorry, sir, but I won’t allow you to get in the way of my mission.”

Hank raised his eyebrows. “Get in your _way?”_

“I believe it’s safe to say that you’re no longer in your prime. You’d only slow me down.”

“Bullshit! You know damn well I’m every bit as capable as you are.”

“I ask that you refrain from insulting me so.”

“Fuck you! When did you get so goddamn cocky?”

“I’m only stating the facts, _sir.”_

“The facts are that if you go in there alone you’re gonna get yourself killed! If we both go, _maybe_ we’ll stand a chance!”

Hank started forward again, only for Connor to reach out a hand and shove him back.

“I don’t. Need. Your help!” insisted the scarecrow, his voice raised in irritation.

“Yes, you fucking do!” yelled Hank. “You’re acting like a goddamn brat right now, and you’re letting your fucking hubris get in the way of saving the farm!”

“You’re more important than the–!” Connor shouted, then cut himself off abruptly. He had a horrified look on his face, as if he’d almost just said something positively blasphemous.

He looked down, no longer able to meet Hank’s gaze. “Please, Hank…” he said softly, and the knight had never been so surprised to hear his own name. “There are things…concepts that you’ve described to me that I didn’t understand at first, but I….”

He looked back up. “I know you didn’t want to come here. You told me…‘better to lose my farm than get eaten by a dragon.’ But I disregarded that. And now you’re here because of me. You shouldn’t have to risk dying for this.”

“But it’s okay for you to go.”

“It’s my function. I was made to protect the…”

“Oh, don’t fucking talk to me about your function. I’m the one who made you, remember?”

“Sir…”

“You’re not just a scarecrow anymore, Connor. You may not have blood or bone, but you’re every bit as much a person as I am.”

Connor looked troubled. “Even if that were true…I want to do this. It’s…important to me.”

“And you think it’s not important to me? Geez, Connor, you really think I came all the way out here ’cause, what? Some asshole scarecrow told me to? I’ve worked that farm for years. It’s my home, and I’m damn proud of it. I wouldn’t be out here risking my ass if it weren’t important to me too.”

“Hank, I…. I don’t want you to die.”

Hank sighed. “Yeah, I don’t wanna die either but…. Look, the fairy wants that brooch back, right? I don’t think he’d have sent us all the way out here if he thought we didn’t stand a decent chance of making it through this. If we work together…who knows?”

“You really think we can take on a dragon?”

“Maybe we don’t have to take him on. The fairy never said anything about killing the dragon, right? What if there’s another way?”

Connor thought for a moment. “We could try stealth. Or diplomacy.”

“Eh, I don’t think diplomacy works with dragons.”

“Stealth then. Combat and diplomacy as a last resort.”

“You ready?” asked the knight.

“Yes,” answered the scarecrow.

The two approached the cavern and entered cautiously. Inside, lying before a magnificent pile of treasure, was an enormous, sleeping dragon. Hank and Connor exchanged glances before sneaking past the creature and to the horde. They made haste looking for the brooch, remaining careful not to make any noise that might awaken the slumbering monster.

After several minutes of searching, Hank felt Connor’s hand on his arm and he looked up to find the scarecrow holding a brooch that matched the description they’d been given. The knight’s relief, however, was short-lived. For just beyond Connor, he saw two huge, glaring eyes, and a mouth of sharp, glistening teeth.

Seeing Hank’s reaction, Connor looked behind him. He froze. Then, after a moment of staring, he stood up straight, facing the creature.

“Hi, dragon!” he called. “My name is Connor. I’m a…”

Hank grabbed Connor’s hand, pulling him out of the way of the stream of fire that spewed forth from the dragon’s throat. He ran as fast as he could, hauling the scarecrow behind him as the flames edged dangerously close to the pair.

“Seems you were right about diplomacy not being very effective!” Connor yelled above the roar of the fire.

“Ya fucking think?!” Hank yelled back.

The two parried behind a boulder just before the blaze reached them, the stone blocking the inferno.

“Fuck!” said Hank.

“Shit,” concurred Connor.

The dragon arched its neck down toward them, and Hank drew his sword, slashing it across the dragon’s face. Though the wound he inflicted was essentially the draconic equivalent of what a papercut would be to a man, it was enough to make the creature reel back in annoyance. Taking the opportunity, Hank and Connor sprinted toward the mouth of the cave.

The dragon regrouped and bounded after them, reaching the two thieves just as they left the cavern. A mighty claw came crashing down around Hank. Connor turned and, upon seeing the knight in peril, drew his own sword and hurried back toward the creature. With both hands, he thrust the blade into one of the dragon’s fingers. The monster pulled its claw back with a roar.

Hank stood and swung his sword again, this time slashing the dragon on its neck. Though the wound was relatively small, the creature cried out again and backed away. It glared down at the two, but made no more movements, as if it were considering whether a single brooch was worth this amount of pain and effort. After a few moments, it indignantly huffed a bit of smoke out of its nostrils, then turned and retreated back into its cave.

The knight and the scarecrow hurried away into the mountains before the dragon could change its mind.


	8. To Broadening Horizons

The change in mood among the common folk of Teridot was palpable, and it didn’t take long before the knight and the scarecrow had been filled in on all the details of the now-king’s victory.

Markus had indeed faced off against his brother in a duel. The rightful heir’s skills were far superior, and it wasn’t long before he’d disarmed his opponent. All had expected him to slay Leo, but instead Markus sheathed his sword and offered his hand in forgiveness. Moved by Markus’s act of mercy, Leo set out on a journey of his own to rethink his life and find himself.

Though his reign had begun not but half a month ago, the new king had already enacted decrees designed to prevent the elite from victimizing the lower class. These ordinances, for the most part, had been welcomed by the people, and those who didn’t like them knew well enough to keep their mouths shut.

Word also had it that North was to be Markus’s bride.

“Looks like you were right,” Hank said to Connor when he found out. But Connor was too focused on getting to the bookstore to care about much else.

And that’s where they found themselves that late afternoon, the scarecrow browsing the shelves with a muted smile and an subtle air of something that was closer to excitement than anything Hank had seen from him before. In the end, Connor settled on buying himself three books – a small bestiary, an instructional book on coin tricks, and a collection of short stories about a young hero.

As they left the store a voice called out to them. “Hank! Connor!” Josh pulled on the reigns of his horses, bringing his wagon to a halt. He hopped down and approached with a smile.

“Oh, hey, it’s you,” said Hank.

“I was hoping to see you again! By the gods, I really can’t say how grateful I…we all are…for what you did.”

Hank gave a bashful smile and waved a hand dismissively. “Eh, it was nothing.”

Josh laughed a little. “Yeah, it wasn’t nothing. Look, I know Markus would love to thank you in person. We’re actually throwing an engagement party tonight. That’s why I’m out here. North said it’s not a real party without some ale from Jimmy’s Tavern.”

“Not even queen yet and she’s got you out running errands, huh?”

“It’s not like that. You know, there’s enough room in the wagon if you’d like to come back with me. I’ll bet the king would make you guests of honor tonight.”

Hank winced. “Yeah, you know…we’ve got a farm to get back to…”

“Sir, if I may?” interrupted Connor. “The farm will still be there when we get back.”

Hank raised his eyebrows. “Well, look at you.”

“Come on,” said Josh, motioning them toward the wagon. Connor followed, as did Hank with a bit more reluctance. They boarded and, with a flick of the reigns, were on their way.

They hadn’t been on the road for more than a few seconds when Connor started in on one of his books.

“You probably shouldn’t read while we’re moving,” Josh warned. “You could get motion sickness.”

Not looking up, Connor replied, “Scarecrows don’t get diseases.”

“Well, motion sickness isn’t really a…”

“He’s just messing with you,” said Hank. “He can be kind of a dick sometimes.”

“Scarecrows don’t get those either,” noted Connor, still not looking up.

Hank smiled.

Upon arriving at the castle, the travelers’ belongings were stored for them to retrieve once they left.

King Markus was indeed delighted to see the two again. He embraced them each individually, Hank responding by giving the king an awkward pat on the back, and Connor by leaving his arms down at his sides entirely.

“Not one for hugs, are we?” asked Markus with a smile, looking from one to the other. “That’s alright. Come! Let’s to the banquet hall. The party is set to begin shortly.”

The two were seated near the head of the largest table, and Markus excused himself to greet the soon-to-be-arriving guests.

“Okay, so I gotta ask,” said Hank. “What’s with you wanting to come here anyway? Didn’t think you were the partying type.”

“I’ve never been to a party before. Now that we’ve succeeded in our quest, I thought it might be prudent to broaden my horizons while I still have the opportunity.”

“Huh. Well, hope it’s worth it.”

“Have you ever been to a party before?”

“Oh yeah. Being part of the royal guard, I had to attend shit like this all the time. Fucking hated it.”

“Why?”

“Too many people. And the dancing. Always felt like everyone was staring right at me.”

“You know how to dance?”

“Sure, we all had to learn. I never had a girl, so they just paired me up with some random lady or another. We’d go through the motions, make awkward small talk, and then hopefully never see each other again.”

A small orchestra across the room began to play. Connor looked to them, narrowing his eyes and staring intently.

“Got a problem with the ambiance, Connor?”

“No, it’s just…this is my first time actually hearing music.”

“Huh,” said Hank, a bit surprised. “Yeah, I guess it would be, wouldn’t it? What do you think?”

“It’s pleasant. Very…musical.”

“Yeah, music tends to be like that.”

“Do you like music?”

Hank chuckled. “You kidding? I fucking love music. Just…well, just not _this_ music.”

“Because you think they’re performing poorly or because it’s in the context of a party?”

“Neither, it’s just…this kinda shit’s so goddamn stuffy, you know? You get a wandering minstrel that knows how to rock a lute…that’ll get your toes tapping!”

“Sounds intriguing.”

“They show up every now and then at the pub back home. I can take you sometime if you want.” Hank gave Connor a crooked smile. “‘Broaden your horizons’ or whatever.”

Connor smiled back warmly. “I’d like that.”

Shortly thereafter the other guests began filing in. Hank focused his attention on the décor, while Connor watched the people, taking note of the wide variety of outfits from many different walks of life. Eventually Markus came to stand at the head of the table. He tapped his wine glass loudly and the rest of the noise in the room fizzled down to silence.

“My people!” said Markus, his bold voice filling the chamber. “These have been trying times for our kingdom. And while I shall continue to do my best to ensure freedom, justice, and dignity for all citizens, I know we still have a long way to go…to heal the wounds of both the past and the present. But tonight, let us celebrate! Let us celebrate my beautiful fiancé, North, the love of my life and your future queen!” He held out his hand toward the lady sitting to his right. The commoners cheered and the nobles clapped politely.

Hank hadn’t even notice North sit down, but sure enough, there she was. Sitting next to her was Josh, and as for Simon – Hank didn’t see him anywhere.

“Furthermore,” continued Markus, “I would like to extend my most heartfelt gratitude to these brave souls,” he held his other hand toward Hank and Connor, “two foreigners who risked their own well-being for the good of our kingdom. Hank, Connor, you are truly heroes to our land!”

As the crowd applauded, Hank raised a hand in a sheepish wave, focusing his gaze on nothing in particular. Connor looked around, attentive but completely expressionless.

“Finally, I want to thank you, my guests, for the kindness and support you’ve afforded me during this transition. I know that somewhere in the heavens my father is looking down on all of us, smiling.” Eyes misty, Markus nodded and sat down, bringing about one last round of applause.

Meals were set out before each of the guests. Connor, unable to eat but apparently feeling curious, dipped two of his fingertips into the gravy and touched them to his tongue. Hank gave him an uncomfortable look, but said nothing.

Once dinner was over Markus turned to them with a smile. “I request you accompany us to the ballroom. I’m sure many would be honored to dance with heroes such as yourselves.”

Hank sighed, already resigned to his fate. 

“Uh…Hank?” said Connor, wincing. “I think there may be something wrong with me. I feel sick. I have a pain in my…straw.”

“Oh, shit,” said Hank, worry apparent on his face.

“The castle infirmary is in the East Wing,” said Markus, mirroring Hank’s concern. “If you like, I can send someone to go with you.”

“That’s okay,” said Connor, his voice strained. “I can walk. Sorry, Hank, but…could you come with me, please?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Hank turned to Markus. “Excuse me.”

Hank followed Connor closely as they exited the banquet hall, poised and ready to physically support the scarecrow if it was needed. “Connor, what’s going on? Is this because you tried that gravy? I know scarecrows aren’t supposed to eat but…”

Connor turned toward the double doors of a neighboring room and walked in.

Puzzled, Hank followed. “Uh…I don’t think the infirmary’s in there,” he said as the doors fell closed behind him.

“I’m fine, Hank,” said Connor, surveying the room as he walked further into it. “As I mentioned earlier, scarecrows don’t get sick.”

“Then…why…?”

Connor turned to him with a vaguely smug expression. “I assumed you’d rather be here than on the dancefloor.”

“Wait, so you…? Shit, Connor, you shouldn’t have to miss out on your first party just to…rescue me from dancing.”

“I wouldn’t say I _rescued_ you from it.”

Hank furrowed his brow in confusion.

“I don’t know how to dance. I was hoping maybe….” The scarecrow trailed off, staring at the knight.

Hank smirked, exhaled a quiet laugh through his nose, and shook his head. “You drive a hard bargain, kid,” he said to the adult before him.

Connor said nothing, continuing to regard Hank with interest.

“Okay, okay, come here,” said Hank, moving toward him and motioning with a hand. “I’ll teach ya.”

Connor smiled and approached.

“You know, it was pretty fucked up for you to make Markus worry like that,” said Hank as he slowed to a stop before Connor.

“He’ll live.”

“Alright, so, uh…you put your hand here…” he patted his upper arm, “…and, uh….” As he took Connor’s right hand in his left, the knight could feel a flush in his cheeks. He hoped it wasn’t noticeable. “Now you just…uh…. Ah, fuck, I’m not a dance instructor.”

“It’s fine,” said Connor softly.

Hank swallowed. “Okay, so, um…I move forward with my left foot and you step back with your right…”

And so it was that the knight went about teaching the scarecrow how to dance. At first it was awkward, the two men moving slowly, twice one stepping on the other’s foot, but soon they found a rhythm in tune with the music that hummed through the walls.

Hank was having trouble meeting Connor’s eyes.

“So,” said the scarecrow. “What would you consider the most economically sound investment when it comes to beans?”

Hank looked at him, as they continued to dance. “What?”

“To grow. On a farm. Which type do you believe would get the best returns financially?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you say awkward small talk was a standard part of dancing?”

Hank stopped moving.

Then he started to chuckle. His shoulders quaked with quiet laughter and didn’t stop.

Connor chuckled as well. And the two men stood there, trembling with restrained amusement for far longer than the joke warranted.

After that, Hank had no problem looking at Connor.

And they gazed and smiled and danced into the night.


	9. The Return

Hank pretended not to be impressed by the coin tricks that Connor had so quickly mastered. The scarecrow had taken to spending idle moments spinning a copper upon his fingertip, rolling it between his knuckles, and flicking it from one hand to the other without so much as looking at what he was doing. The book that described how to accomplish these feats had already been sold, along with the two others he had bought in Teridot. For as much as the scarecrow would have liked to bring home a library of books, traveling with more than a few at a time was impractical. And so, whenever they reached a new town, he would sell off three and buy three new ones. The only book he kept with him always was the one Hank had given him.

As they traveled, Connor shared various things he read that he thought were interesting, which led to many a discussion with his companion. They spoke of actions and principles, of creatures and people, of the past and of the future.

Once the sun had set and the fire was built, Hank would relax quietly before the flames while Connor sat a little ways off reading to himself. However, as each night went by, Hank noticed Connor daring to sit closer and closer to the fire – always keeping a safe distance, but eventually getting near enough for the warmth to start to reach him. This progression went on until Connor reached a place that Hank wagered would be comfortable for both of them. And on that night Hank sat down next to him. Connor put his book in his lap and lay his head on Hank’s shoulder. Hank didn’t stop him, and the scarecrow smiled as he watched the flames dance.

“I’m really glad I was brought to life,” he said.

“Yeah,” said Hank. “Same here.”

Still resting his head against the knight, the scarecrow opened the book again and continued reading.

They traveled for several more days before, at long last, the farm came into view. It was in the same chaotic mess it had been when they’d left it, but Hank still felt a great sense relief to finally be back home. His dog came bounding toward him, barking gleefully, and the knight knelt down to greet him.

“Woah, easy, boy! Easy!” said Hank, petting the animal as it eagerly lavished him with affection. “Missed me, huh?”

Once the dog had calmed down a bit, Hank stood at looked to Connor, who was eyeing the creature with a timid smile. “Wanna pet him?” asked Hank. “He doesn’t bite. Terrible guard dog.”

Connor reached out cautiously and ran his hand over the dog’s back.

The dog didn’t move, staring up at Hank inquisitively.

“It’s okay, boy,” said Hank. “He’s a friend.”

Seeming to gauge his master’s meaning, the dog looked to Connor and wagged its tail. Hank smiled warmly as he watched the two.

Hovering in the air a little ways off, Kamski observed the scene with a smirk, thumb and forefinger upon his chin. At last he spoke. “It would appear you made it back safely.”

Hank glared up at him. “Yeah, no thanks to you, fucking asshole. That dragon nearly killed us both!”

“Mm. Did you get what I asked for?”

“Here.” Hank threw the treasure at the fairy, who caught it. “There’s your goddamn brooch. Now change my farm back!”

Kamski looked at the jewelry, then tucked it into his robe. “Very well,” he said. “I’ll honor our agreement and return your farm to you, exactly as it was prior to my interference. But before I do, I must ask…are you sure that’s what you want? Once the spell is cast, you can’t change your mind. You won’t be able to take it back.”

“Yeah, of course I’m fucking sure! Geez, you think I wanna live in this shit show? Do your thing and get the fuck out of here. And I better not see you or your kind anywhere near my property again!”

Kamski sighed. “Humans are such…narrow-minded creatures.” He snapped the fingers on his left hand. “They resent us – even loathe our very existence.” He twirled in the air, then bowed to Hank. “Sir knight, I shall submit.” He snapped the fingers on his right hand, and a sudden flash filled the air. And in an instant, the farm was completely back to normal.

“There you are,” said Kamski, his expression smug. “Your wish is granted. The farm is _exactly_ as it was before I arrived. Farewell, sir knight. We shall not meet again.” And with that, he spun around and disappeared into thin air.

“Fucking weirdo,” said Hank. He gazed over his farm and breathed a sigh of relief. “By the gods, it feels good to have everything back to normal. What do you think, Connor?” He turned. “Looks like you finally completed your mission aft…”

Hank went silent. For there before him was his scarecrow, exactly as it had once been. The same old, tattered clothes, the same expressionless, burlap face, mounted on the same wooden pole. Lifeless as it was the day he had built it.

For a moment, Hank stared. “Connor.” Then, panic rising, he turned and scanned the farm, hoping to see his friend standing safe and alive nearby. “Connor?!” he called. But no answer came.

He looked back to the scarecrow. “No, that’s not…” he said, quietly. He turned to where the fairy had been moments before. “That’s not what I meant, you fool!” he shouted. “You _know_ that’s not what I fucking meant! Come back here! Fairy! Bring him back!” He paused, but the fairy was nowhere to be seen. “Please!” yelled Hank. Still nothing. His eyes widened in desperation. _“Please!”_

He looked back at Connor, then hurried toward him. “Connor. Hey, come on,” he said, grabbing the scarecrow’s arms and rustling the figure. “Connor. Hey. Give me a sign you’re still in there. Connor. Connor! Can you hear me?” His eyes searched the burlap, looking for any hint of the man he’d once knew, as he waited for a response. But the scarecrow said nothing, as it was a scarecrow. “Come on, son. Lemme know you’re gonna be okay. Please, just…lemme know you…you still….” Hank swallowed. He slowly let go of the scarecrow’s arms and hobbled backwards.

He turned and looked back to where the fairy had been. Then, taking a few running steps, he began shouting into the air. “You devil! You…fucking murderer! Bring him back! Please! You can’t fucking do this! I take it back, okay?! Is that what you wanna hear?! I changed my mind! _I changed my mind!”_

There was no response. Hank fell to his knees. “Please,” he murmured. He leaned forward and gripped the earth beneath him, his eyes stinging. “Please. Please take it back. I changed my mind. Please.”

His dog walked up to him, whimpering to see his master so.

But the knight didn’t acknowledge it. He just looked at the ground helplessly, feeling more alone than he ever had in his life. “I…I changed….”


	10. A Scarecrow's Fate

Before he’d returned home, there was little the knight wanted more than to resume his routine of working the farm. But now he was filled with a new purpose. The farm would have to wait. It was a sentiment he imagined Connor would chastise him for, were the scarecrow still alive. And, knowing that, Hank very much wished to be the target of such judgement again.

The knight went about speaking with every village elder he could find, in hopes of learning something that might help him save his friend. Unfortunately for him, humans’ knowledge of fairy magic was very limited, and time and again he left learning nothing. It was beyond disheartening, and it didn’t help that the knight was discovering just how lonely traveling could be. 

But Hank’s spirits were bolstered when an elder spoke of one who might be able to help him – a witch who lived upon a hilltop near the outskirts of the kingdom. She had dealt with fairies before, and had a better understanding of their kind than any other mortal in the land. If anyone could give Hank useful information, it was her. And so the knight made his way to her cottage.

He knocked on her door – one, two, three times – and was answered by a beautiful young woman.

“Sir knight,” she said with a pleasant smile, “we’ve been expecting you.”

Hank was visibly confused. “How…?”

“Madame Stern has eyes and ears all over the kingdom. She likes to stay informed. She’s out back in the garden right now. I can take you to her, if you’d like.”

“Uh…yeah. Yeah, sure.”

“Right this way, please.”

The lady led Hank through the house and out back, into the most beautiful garden he had ever seen. “Holy shit,” he said, surveying the wide array of flora.

“Madame grows all her own components.”

They made their way down a path to where the witch was harvesting flowers growing on a lattice.

“Madame Stern?” said the young woman. “That knight is here to see you.”

“Thank you, Chloe,” said the witch, continuing her work without turning around. “That will be all.”

Chloe nodded her head respectfully and walked away.

“Nice yard,” said Hank.

“Thank you,” said Madame Stern. She plucked another flower. “So, you’re here about your scarecrow.”

“Yeah. Heard you might be able to help me.”

“You’ve been going through quite a bit of effort in your attempt to revive it. It must have been quite useful to you on your journey.”

“Pretty sure I would’ve died if it hadn’t been for him.”

“A valuable tool while adventuring, to be sure. But what purpose do you have for it now that you’ve returned home?”

“Do I need a purpose?” said Hank, trying his best to keep his anger in check. “He was a good kid. He didn’t deserve this.”

The witch turned toward him. “What you must understand, sir knight, is that your scarecrow was brought to life carry out a mission. Once the mission was completed, there was no longer any reason for it to live. In all likelihood, your scarecrow was perfectly aware of this. I’m sure it was ready to return to its natural form.”

“You’re wrong,” said the knight, and the witch seemed slightly taken aback by his impertinence. “There were still so many things he wanted to see and hear and…read. He loved to read. When I told him there was a bookstore in the village near our farm…by the gods, if you’d have seen his face.”

Madame Stern’s lips parted. She looked surprised.

The knight went on. “There were so many things we…he was looking forward to. He wasn’t ready to go. It wasn’t his time.”

“Many people are taken before they wish to be. It’s simply how the world works. Do you really think you’re capable of changing the natural order of things?”

“‘Natural order’ my…” Hank began, but stopped himself. “Look, I don’t know what I can do. But if there’s even a chance I can help him…I gotta at least try, right?”

The witch began to turn away.

“Please,” said Hank. “I…I really care about him.”

The witch stopped. She paused for a long moment before she spoke again. “It is unlikely you will see your friend alive again.” She nodded her head as she continued. “Unlikely, but not impossible. Fairies are known to leave backdoors in their spells.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“A remedy. Some hidden means of undoing what’s been done. It could be a word or a phrase, a gesture or an action, or any combination thereof. Tell me, when the fairy cast its spell, did it give you any instructions? A riddle, perhaps?”

Hank thought. “Uh…no. Not that I recall.”

“In that case, it’s quite doubtful that you’ll be able to reverse the spell. Though of course you’re free to try. Perhaps you may accidentally stumble upon something.” She turned back to the flowers. “This conversation is finished. You can go now.”

And so the knight returned to the farm and, standing before the scarecrow, tried every possible word, phrase, and gesture he could think of.

“Abracadabra!” he yelled, waving his hands.

“Crab cakes!” he shouted, flipping off the scarecrow.

“Open-fucking-sesame!” he tried, slapping what had once been Connor’s face.

But no matter what he said or did, his efforts were fruitless.

Day after day he continued his attempts, sometimes for hours on end. When he would run out of ideas he temporarily returned to tending his farm, only to run back to the scarecrow whenever a new possibility occurred to him. Still nothing seemed to work. He wracked his brain to try and remember if the fairy had given him any possible hints. But he never could recall anything of use.

As the days turned to weeks, Hank could feel himself becoming more and more discouraged. Until one day, the knight looked through his window at the scarecrow and at last accepted the hopeless message his heart had been trying so hard to deny – Connor was gone, never to return. Hank pet his whimpering dog and walked out the door. It was time to say goodbye.

As he approached, he thought of the scarecrow’s dry sense of humor. The awkward way Connor had introduced himself to others. The casual skill with which he had manipulated that coin. How curious and opinionated he’d been when they spoke of the world.

How it felt the night Connor had held him. How it felt the night they had danced. How it felt the night the scarecrow had laid his head on Hank’s shoulder. All the things he would never feel again.

He slowed and stood before Connor, cupping his hand to the scarecrow’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t bring you back.” Hank’s throat clenched and his eyes burned. “I’m so fucking sorry, Connor.”

The knight began to chuckle to himself and hot tears ran down his face. “You know, I really thought I wanted to be alone.” He stayed there for a long while, laughing and weeping quietly, stroking the lifeless burlap with his thumb.

At last he said, “Goodbye, Connor.” Then timidly added, voice cracking, “I love you.” He leaned in and kissed the scarecrow gently where its lips had once been.

And then the scarecrow began to glow – dimly at first, then suddenly with a flash of light that could be seen all throughout the kingdom and beyond. It poured across a field where a giant knelt beside the herd of unicorns that had become his new family. It flew past the tailors’ shop where a man with a scar on his face and a kindly woman worked on their new line of clothing. It soared over the wilderness where a former ruler traveled in search of a new meaning in his life. It spilled through a castle where a king and his future queen drafted ordinances to improve the lives of their people. It traveled all the way into the distant mountains where a dragon, awakened by the sudden light, turned its head away in annoyance and promptly fell back to sleep.

Then, as quickly as the light had come, it faded. Hank, who had taken several steps backwards, lowered the hand he’d raised to shield his eyes from the brightness.

And there, lying on the ground, was Connor. The scarecrow stirred, then stood. He scanned the farm, before examining at his own tattered clothes. “Seems the farm looks better, at least,” he noted, eyeing his garments with disapproval.

He looked up and his expression softened with concern. For there was the knight, staring open-mouthed, face streaked in tears. “Sir?” said the scarecrow. “Hank. What’s wrong?”

Hank didn’t answer. He just walked to Connor and pulled him into a tight embrace, as if he never wanted to let go.

And from that day forward, the knight and the scarecrow spent their days together. At sunrise the two worked the farm – plantings, watering, and harvesting crops, and scaring off crows as needed. They visited the village together with some regularity – Connor’s first order of business being, of course, to get himself some new clothes. Their frequent patronage at the bookstore was appreciated, and soon their house was filled with far more books than the knight ever imagined he’d have. Evenings were usually spent by the hearth, recounting and discussing things that Connor had read or stories from Hank’s youth. And after the sun had set, they retired to bed, holding each other close throughout the night.

And sometimes when they were in the village and got word that a traveling minstrel was to be playing at the pub that night, the two would find a spot behind the tavern, away from prying eyes, where they would dance in the twilight. And though nobody even saw them dancing, if anyone had, they surely would have said that they’d never seen two people more in love than the knight and the scarecrow.

And they lived happily ever after.

The End


End file.
